How Do I Conversate?

For the longest time, whenever I heard someone say the dreaded word, I would shudder involuntarily. Conversate. Now, I thought to myself, that’s not a word, it isn’t in the dictionary, so why should it be used? It was the bane of my existence, yet I searched for its use, hoping to never hear it spoken. When looking in my new dictionary that was the first word I looked for. Imagine the look of disappointment on my face when I saw it in print. “No!” I lamented, “not that word”. Then after looking at the definition, I saw that it said nonstandard English; to converse, and I felt much better about my view on the word. 

Still, it invokes shivers, tears in the fetal position, and a wail reminiscent of a banshee. I refuse to accept that one can conversate, no matter if it is in the dictionary or not. Even now, with apparent acceptance, my Microsoft Word program underlines it as if to say “Hey, this isn’t a real word!” Yes, my dear word processor, I know, but the other people just don’t understand us. They enjoy the little game they play with their non-standard English. They want us to feel like this. Don’t let it get into your head, little one, they will have their day when they see the light and realize that conversate isn’t really the word they want to use, that it lacks the finesse of standard English. Remember, they can’t hurt you if you don’t let them.

*disclaimer: I don't actually talk to my computer out-loud like that.

(253 words)